Dear Coleen
Two-and-a-half years ago my husband of 21 years announced that he no longer wanted to be married to
me.
He said he’d pretended to be someone he wasn’t all his life and now that his parents were dead he could finally be himself.
He told our three children (aged 20, 18 and 13 at the time) and me that there was no one else involved.
He accused me of being abusive, even though he’d been emotionally abusive throughout our marriage.
I also found out just before he left that he’d been on several dating sites and had been meeting women for sex, so I had to get tested for STIs.
When he moved out, he moved in with one of these women and is now engaged to her.
I have our now 15-year-old daughter for 85% of the time, even though I suggested a 50/50 split, so it means I can only find freelance work and I’m constantly worried about money.
He pays child maintenance, but I was unsuccessful in trying to get spousal support.
I’m struggling to rebuild a life at 53 and I’m terrified of using dating sites. I don’t meet single men in everyday life and my confidence is through the floor.
Coleen says
I wouldn’t make finding a new relationship your focus. Often when you’re desperately looking you don’t find it or you make bad choices.
Focus on yourself and moving on from your marriage, and feeling stronger emotionally so you’re in a much better place when you do meet someone else.
Understandably, you must still be carrying a lot of anger from the break-up.
The unfairness must be hard to bear – he can just move on while you’re still struggling. It’s hard enough when you’re betrayed and lied to, but even harder when you’re blamed for it.
I really think you’d benefit from counselling, which helped me so much when my first marriage broke down. It’ll give you a place to take that anger and you’ll feel more in control.
And don’t feel you have to be a supermum all the time in front of the kids. The older ones will understand, so tell them if you’re having a bad day. You don’t have to talk about your ex, but it’s OK to admit how you’re feeling.
These days, 53 isn’t considered old. It’s crossed my mind that I might not meet anyone else to share my life with either, but I’m actually OK with that. If it happens, great. If it doesn’t, I know I don’t need a man to be happy.
Read More
Top news stories from Mirror Online
-
Gang who raped and murdered woman jailed
-
‘I’m Britain’s loneliest woman’
-
Lord accused of being sex pest -
Aristocrat’s daughter ‘was a dominatrix’
Source: Read Full Article