It’s been almost nine years since Lance Armstrong received a lifetime ban from sanctioned competitive cycling races, so he’s since moved on to other endeavors. Some of his latest business ventures include founding the company WEDŪ and hosting two podcasts, but now he’s added one more gig to his resume: Cameo videos.
That’s right—for the mere price of $300, Armstrong will create a personalized video on your behalf. The price is both surprisingly lower than you’d expect from Armstrong and perhaps far more than what it’s really worth (or is deserved). There’s also a chat function for $2.99, likely serving as a way for potential clients to discuss video ideas prior to committing.
Armstrong isn’t the only pro cyclist on the platform. Other current and former pros that offer Cameos include George Hincapie at $70 per video, Philippe Gilbert at $50, Christian Vande Velde at $50, Phil Gaimon at $100, Sonya Looney at $20, and Brett Tippie at $20. (Tippie gets an honorable mention for most enthusiastic videos.)
And believe it or not, Armstrong’s cameo price isn’t even the most expensive of the cyclists on the platform; that award goes to Lachlan Morton, who demands the highest price of the bunch at $1,000. (He also gets an honorable mention for best profile pic.)
You can see some of Armstrong’s previous videos, too, on his Cameo page.
We aren’t sure how long Armstrong has been doing Cameos, but his oldest review is from July 26, 2020. He’s also rated highly, with an average rating of 4.8 out of 5 stars at the moment and 45 reviews, though his current average response time is three days. It would appear, according to the reviews, that many of Armstrong’s Cameos have served as birthday wishes, holiday presents, or motivational messages.
Undoubtedly, Armstrong is still a divisive figure in the cycling community, and rightfully so, though apparently he still has a sizable fan base. Regardless of which side you’re on, we’re wondering: what’s the best way to use an Armstrong Cameo? Canadian Cycling Magazine speculated that it might be a great way of breaking up with your soon-to-be ex, but oof, that might actually be too harsh—that is, unless you caught them cheating.
We thought of a few ways you could put an Armstrong Cameo to good use:
1.
Have him finally issue that apology we’ve all been waiting for. (But we’re not about to hold our breath.)
2.
Have him reenact this Nike commercial:
To his credit, he was telling the truth when he said, “This is my body, and I can do whatever I want to it.”
3.
“I mean, if you were gonna sue someone’s ass, he’d be A+ at delivering that message.”
4.
Have him tell the UCI to make a better website. Because you can’t follow the rules if you don’t know where to find them, right?
5.
Have him ask Ted Cruz about the best places to stay when he visits Cancún.
6.
Have him advise the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency on how to best tighten up and enforce anti-doping measures, in the same way that the federal government gathers cybersecurity insight from freelance hackers.
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