Sex in your 20s and early 30s is so often (incorrectly) heralded as the height of your sexuality — but sex, especially for vulva owners, gets better and better as you grow into yourself and get to know your body. Rachel Bilson opened up about her own sexual glow up on her “Broad Ideas” podcast on Monday when she shared that she didn’t have her first orgasm from sex until she was 38.
In conversation with stand-up comedian Whitney Cummings, who herself at 40 only had her first intercourse orgasm in the last year, Bilson made sure she knew she wasn’t alone in getting that delayed gratification.
Both Cummings and Bilson noted that they were able to have orgasms when they added some other stimulation in the mix, but not from penetration alone.
“I could do it with my hands whenever,” Cummings said.
“Of course, yeah,” Bilson agreed. “But not from, like, d–k inside.”
As SheKnows has previously discussed orgasms from penetration alone are not particularly common (or a sign that you are good at sex, your partner is good at sex or any indicator of the quality of the sex). According to a study published in The Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy in 2017, researchers found that only 8 percent of cis-hetero women said that vaginal penetration alone was enough to orgasm. Most vulva owners generally require some level of clitoral stimulation (and time!) in order to get off with a partner. Plus, because your brain is a powerful sex organ, there’s a mental element to the whole affair — meaning the intense pressure to orgasm can make it harder to relax and actually have said orgasm. Add in the media we consume that makes it seem like orgasming should be this easy thing that just happens and the stigma around talking about sexual experiences? It can help make it make sense that so many cis-hetero women own up to faking orgasms here and there.
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Cummings also noted that “a lot of women say they don’t [orgasm from sex] until after they have a kid.” Which can absolutely vary for different people and different bodies, but there is data that shows an increase in sensitivity and number of nerve endings near the clitoris due to the hormonal changes.
Most importantly, it’s good to know that Bilson had the foundation to not feel shame around sexuality and sexual health, having previously told her podcast listeners that she grew up with a “sex-positive and free” environment that let her open up and talk about this part of her life.
And we’re so glad she had that too!
Before you go, check out the 100 vibrators we’d recommend to all our friends:
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